So school started like two months ago and I've been so busy with everything that I haven't had time to write a post, so I'm doing it now while my best friend orders V for Vendetta. Anyways... This is my junior year of high school and I have so much going on. I'm taking AP US History, AFJROTC, Physical Science Honors, English 3 Honors, and Algebra 2 Honors. On top of the homework for those classes, I have 3 clubs I'm in. So it's a lot going on, but I still have time to spend with my friends, family, and to crush on guys, of course. One of those guys being my now current boyfriend who shall not be named.... No he's not Voldemort. But he is amazing and great and I love him for who he is. :)
Oh wow... Sorry for getting so off track with my ranting. I originally wrote this post to let you guys all know about how you can be yourselves, your true selves, and be so much happier. I know it's hard and that probably doesn't make sense, but allow me to explain. For awhile I cared so much about what other people thought of me, how I should act, how I think they think I should act, and how who I needed to become, I had no fun whatsoever in life. So I finally stopped myself one day and asked, "Why am I allowing people to change me and make me someone I'm not? I'm not happy being this person. This person isn't me." And that was that. From there on out, I stayed away from all of the bad influences in my life. I stopped caring what people think of me. I stopped being fake. I was me again. And I'm so much more happier. I can be weird and strange and random, but also serious and smart and level-headed. I'm me again. Now you go and be you.
If you already are your true self 24/7/365 then you deserve an award and a round of applause! Good job for staying true to your colors. If you aren't then that's okay. Just take my advice and go back to being you. If people are changing you because they don't like who you are then they aren't true friends or people themselves.
Anyways. I gotta go. Got stuff to think about and do.
Until next time, live long and prosper. :)
Friday, October 18, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
Family really is everything...
I know. It's the same old thing that sounds stupid and corny... but trust me it really is true. I know this from personal experience. Family is one of the most important things you can have. Though some members may not be, you do have family members who will ALWAYS be there for you. They'll always support and help you even if you do something wrong.
My family members who are always there for me are my stepdad, my mom, my sister, and one of my brothers. My dad and other brother, however, aren't there for me anymore and that really sucks and hurts. I hate not having them in my life. My brother and my dad were huge parts of my life. Sure they did stuff that I wasn't comfortable with but they're still my family. You'd think that would count for something, but apparently it doesn't.....
Both my dad and my brother have stopped all contact with me and that hurts so so much. It breaks my heart... But it's not my fault. I've tried to contact them and I've tried to fix things, but that hasn't worked. I don't know what else to do. I guess I just have to keep moving forward and focus on the good things in life. Like my mom and stepdad who have helped me through all of this and so much more. My mom has always and will always be there for me and I can't ask for anything better than that. She talks to me and helps me find my way anytime I'm upset or make a mistake. She's the best mom out there.
My stepdad just recently came into my life a few years ago, but he's made a huge difference. He's always been there for me and is constantly doing what he can to help me and my mom and my other brother. Like I always tell my friends he's like the dad I always wanted and needed and never had. My stepdad doesn't realize this. At least I don't think he does. But he's like a dad to me and after everything I've been going through, that means a lot to me.
And then there's my sister. Sure she lives in another state, but I can call her anytime I need to and talk to her. She's always known exactly what to say and she knows what will help me. She's one of the few people I look up to. I love her alot. I love them all alot and I look up to them all. They're my family and they're everything to me....
What inspired me to write this blog is my own sadness. I'm still upset about my brother and dad, but they're only part of my family. I have more family than them that love me and care about me and haven't left me. And you all do, too. I know it doesn't always seem like that. I know you don't always see it. I know that sometimes families have falling outs and problems, but no matter what, you'll always have at least one family member who will always be there for you. Trust me on that...
This blog's advice is to remember that family is everything. Never ever forget this piece of information. And don't stop talking to them. Communication is key.
Well, until next time, live long and prosper.
My family members who are always there for me are my stepdad, my mom, my sister, and one of my brothers. My dad and other brother, however, aren't there for me anymore and that really sucks and hurts. I hate not having them in my life. My brother and my dad were huge parts of my life. Sure they did stuff that I wasn't comfortable with but they're still my family. You'd think that would count for something, but apparently it doesn't.....
Both my dad and my brother have stopped all contact with me and that hurts so so much. It breaks my heart... But it's not my fault. I've tried to contact them and I've tried to fix things, but that hasn't worked. I don't know what else to do. I guess I just have to keep moving forward and focus on the good things in life. Like my mom and stepdad who have helped me through all of this and so much more. My mom has always and will always be there for me and I can't ask for anything better than that. She talks to me and helps me find my way anytime I'm upset or make a mistake. She's the best mom out there.
My stepdad just recently came into my life a few years ago, but he's made a huge difference. He's always been there for me and is constantly doing what he can to help me and my mom and my other brother. Like I always tell my friends he's like the dad I always wanted and needed and never had. My stepdad doesn't realize this. At least I don't think he does. But he's like a dad to me and after everything I've been going through, that means a lot to me.
And then there's my sister. Sure she lives in another state, but I can call her anytime I need to and talk to her. She's always known exactly what to say and she knows what will help me. She's one of the few people I look up to. I love her alot. I love them all alot and I look up to them all. They're my family and they're everything to me....
What inspired me to write this blog is my own sadness. I'm still upset about my brother and dad, but they're only part of my family. I have more family than them that love me and care about me and haven't left me. And you all do, too. I know it doesn't always seem like that. I know you don't always see it. I know that sometimes families have falling outs and problems, but no matter what, you'll always have at least one family member who will always be there for you. Trust me on that...
This blog's advice is to remember that family is everything. Never ever forget this piece of information. And don't stop talking to them. Communication is key.
Well, until next time, live long and prosper.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Trust in yourself
This blog is going to be about trusting and believing in yourself. It's probably one of THE hardest things to do. Mainly because our natural instinct isn't to have confidence in ourselves. Well, at least not after you turn 4 or 5. After you start school you start worrying and doubting yourself. You ask yourself questions like: "Can I do this?" or "Will I fail if I try to do that?" Sometimes we doubt ourselves because we don't want to let anyone down. That's a big one. We don't want to lose anyone because of a stupid thing we did or because we didn't do something. We doubt ourselves so much we start believing all of our negative thoughts. Trust me. I know this from experience....
I doubt myself more than I should. I question everything I do, or am about to do. I don't believe in myself. Or at least I didn't use to. I had to learn to believe in myself and trust that I'll make the right decision. Which wasn't easy for me. But it is better than the alternative. Which, in case you didn't know, is doubting yourself and believing that you'll never make the right decision so it's best if you just make the wrong ones now. But that isn't exactly good...
I'll let you know now it's insanely hard to gain trust, confidence, or to start believing in yourself. But you can do it. Listen to your friends and family members when they compliment you and believe them. Stop caring what others think about you because you are amazing and perfect just the way you are. You should never believe any different. Start writing yourself notes about what you like about yourself. Don't think about the negatives, think about the positives. Everyone has flaws. But everyone also has amazing qualities that people love.
If you have trouble with your self-confidence and it's something you feel you can fix like your hair, weight, or clothing, then talk to your friends and get them to help you change it. Don't complain about yourself and then not do anything about it. Trust me. I know it's hard to change and it's way easier to just complain, but you'll annoy friends and you'll never change that one thing about yourself that can change your life. So do something about. And start trusting and believing in yourself.
You guys are all perfect and amazing in your own ways. Don't you ever forget that. I love and care about you all.
So, until next time, stay you and love life as well as yourself. Bye. :)
Oh and while you're at it, live long and prosper. :D
I doubt myself more than I should. I question everything I do, or am about to do. I don't believe in myself. Or at least I didn't use to. I had to learn to believe in myself and trust that I'll make the right decision. Which wasn't easy for me. But it is better than the alternative. Which, in case you didn't know, is doubting yourself and believing that you'll never make the right decision so it's best if you just make the wrong ones now. But that isn't exactly good...
I'll let you know now it's insanely hard to gain trust, confidence, or to start believing in yourself. But you can do it. Listen to your friends and family members when they compliment you and believe them. Stop caring what others think about you because you are amazing and perfect just the way you are. You should never believe any different. Start writing yourself notes about what you like about yourself. Don't think about the negatives, think about the positives. Everyone has flaws. But everyone also has amazing qualities that people love.
If you have trouble with your self-confidence and it's something you feel you can fix like your hair, weight, or clothing, then talk to your friends and get them to help you change it. Don't complain about yourself and then not do anything about it. Trust me. I know it's hard to change and it's way easier to just complain, but you'll annoy friends and you'll never change that one thing about yourself that can change your life. So do something about. And start trusting and believing in yourself.
You guys are all perfect and amazing in your own ways. Don't you ever forget that. I love and care about you all.
So, until next time, stay you and love life as well as yourself. Bye. :)
Oh and while you're at it, live long and prosper. :D
Friday, June 28, 2013
Was it worth it?
So this post will be more for my personal thoughts then anything, but please read this if you are depressed/suicidal or know someone who is. This post is about the beginning of new, hard journey for me, and the end of a previous one....
I guess I'll start from the beginning. I met my best friend last year in English. At first we were kinda weary of each other, but then we got to know each other and bonded. We drifted apart after the class ended. Then towards the end of this year we got close again. But she wasn't the same person that I knew. This person was dark, sneaky, kinda slutty, and suicidal. The person I knew was fun, loving, committed, and loved life. It was a major difference, but I didn't want to lose her so I ignored it. But things just kept getting worse. She was sneaking out at night, cheating on her boyfriend, getting drunk, cutting, threatening to commit suicide, etc. I tried talking to her, but why should she listen to me? Yet again, I ignored it so I wouldn't lose her as a friend. Then, one day, her parents found out what she had been doing. She got in big trouble, but she didn't see why she was in trouble. She didn't get what was so bad. Well she was still grounded when the most recent thing happen...
Here we are. Her, me, our two friends. We were at the summer program we do. Well two weeks ago an older guy joined the camp thing. She immediately took interest. He's engaged and over-aged. She didn't care. They started kissing and making out and other such stuff. It was disgusting and shocking for us to watch. The counselors talked to her and tried to get her to stop, but that only made her want to do it more. She wouldn't listen to us. And then yesterday the truth came clear to us. We found out that she was using one of my friend's iPod without her knowing. She drank alcohol at that friend's house. She was texting some not so good stuff to the older guy. She was becoming suicidal again. We were terrified. We didn't know what to do. So last night, one of my friends and I stayed up all night talking about. We finally decided that we would tell someone about it. We couldn't keep watching her do this. She wouldn't listen to us. So we made a plan to tell my friend's mom the next morning, even f it meant losing our friend. She needed help and we couldn't offer it....
So there we were.... At 7:17 a.m. we were standing in the kitchen with my friend's mom. We were nervous and scared, but we told her everything that was going on anyways. We didn't want her to get hurt. We didn't want her to get into more trouble. We had to get her help though. And we did. My friend's mom told her mom what was going on and what had been happening. We got through one obstacle. Now for the biggest moment. We had to face our friend who had no clue what we did yet....
She showed up at 7:30. My other friend was in the shower. She came in and told me she had something in her bag that she wanted to show me. Next thing you know she pulls out a knife and says that she was going to start cutting again. I couldn't do it. She had no idea how much that hurt me. The idea of losing her.... I just... I can't..
A few minutes after she showed up her mom came back to the house. Her mom told her that she knew everything that she had been doing. She came back in and sat down on the couch and wouldn't talk to anyone. It wasn't until it was just her, me, and our other two friends. She snapped and we lost it. She was mad at us for telling, which I get. She said we didn't care and that we just wanted her life to be ruined. Well that was the final straw. It turned into a full out screaming match. Then there was crying. We couldn't take it. It hurt us so much. She has no idea. And now she's mad at us...
Well I guess the point of this whole long blog is: was it worth it? I think it was. I got my friend the help she needed so badly. It was hard for me. It really was. If my friend had just listened to me, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. I don't regret this choice. If I lose her over this, it's really going to hurt, but at least I can say I helped her and I did all I could. For all those people out there who are depressed or suicidal, talk to your friends, take their advice, and move forward. If you don't have a friend, then talk to me. For all those people out there who know someone like this, if they aren't listening to you, say something. If they just need to talk and need reassurance about their life, listen and give it to them.
I'm going to stop writing now because this is way too long, but remember you're not alone and I care about you all. I really do. So until next time, goodbye and good luck. <3
And also, live long and prosper. :)
I guess I'll start from the beginning. I met my best friend last year in English. At first we were kinda weary of each other, but then we got to know each other and bonded. We drifted apart after the class ended. Then towards the end of this year we got close again. But she wasn't the same person that I knew. This person was dark, sneaky, kinda slutty, and suicidal. The person I knew was fun, loving, committed, and loved life. It was a major difference, but I didn't want to lose her so I ignored it. But things just kept getting worse. She was sneaking out at night, cheating on her boyfriend, getting drunk, cutting, threatening to commit suicide, etc. I tried talking to her, but why should she listen to me? Yet again, I ignored it so I wouldn't lose her as a friend. Then, one day, her parents found out what she had been doing. She got in big trouble, but she didn't see why she was in trouble. She didn't get what was so bad. Well she was still grounded when the most recent thing happen...
Here we are. Her, me, our two friends. We were at the summer program we do. Well two weeks ago an older guy joined the camp thing. She immediately took interest. He's engaged and over-aged. She didn't care. They started kissing and making out and other such stuff. It was disgusting and shocking for us to watch. The counselors talked to her and tried to get her to stop, but that only made her want to do it more. She wouldn't listen to us. And then yesterday the truth came clear to us. We found out that she was using one of my friend's iPod without her knowing. She drank alcohol at that friend's house. She was texting some not so good stuff to the older guy. She was becoming suicidal again. We were terrified. We didn't know what to do. So last night, one of my friends and I stayed up all night talking about. We finally decided that we would tell someone about it. We couldn't keep watching her do this. She wouldn't listen to us. So we made a plan to tell my friend's mom the next morning, even f it meant losing our friend. She needed help and we couldn't offer it....
So there we were.... At 7:17 a.m. we were standing in the kitchen with my friend's mom. We were nervous and scared, but we told her everything that was going on anyways. We didn't want her to get hurt. We didn't want her to get into more trouble. We had to get her help though. And we did. My friend's mom told her mom what was going on and what had been happening. We got through one obstacle. Now for the biggest moment. We had to face our friend who had no clue what we did yet....
She showed up at 7:30. My other friend was in the shower. She came in and told me she had something in her bag that she wanted to show me. Next thing you know she pulls out a knife and says that she was going to start cutting again. I couldn't do it. She had no idea how much that hurt me. The idea of losing her.... I just... I can't..
A few minutes after she showed up her mom came back to the house. Her mom told her that she knew everything that she had been doing. She came back in and sat down on the couch and wouldn't talk to anyone. It wasn't until it was just her, me, and our other two friends. She snapped and we lost it. She was mad at us for telling, which I get. She said we didn't care and that we just wanted her life to be ruined. Well that was the final straw. It turned into a full out screaming match. Then there was crying. We couldn't take it. It hurt us so much. She has no idea. And now she's mad at us...
Well I guess the point of this whole long blog is: was it worth it? I think it was. I got my friend the help she needed so badly. It was hard for me. It really was. If my friend had just listened to me, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. I don't regret this choice. If I lose her over this, it's really going to hurt, but at least I can say I helped her and I did all I could. For all those people out there who are depressed or suicidal, talk to your friends, take their advice, and move forward. If you don't have a friend, then talk to me. For all those people out there who know someone like this, if they aren't listening to you, say something. If they just need to talk and need reassurance about their life, listen and give it to them.
I'm going to stop writing now because this is way too long, but remember you're not alone and I care about you all. I really do. So until next time, goodbye and good luck. <3
And also, live long and prosper. :)
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Choices We Make
The choices we make determine much about our life. Whether it's a new haircut or betraying our friend. Each choice we make affects us or someone else in either a positive or a negative way. I know this from experience. Unfortunately though, many of my choices have been bad.
Recently I've been making the same bad choice over and over. I've been talking to my ex and started dating him again. This guy has made me into a person I'm not proud of. I became so obsessed and dependent on him that I never had time for my friends. My parents helped me realize just how much he was affecting me and I was able to end the relationship. But lo and behold, a few weeks after I broke up with him, I started talking to him again. I fell back into the unrecognizable me. I snuck around and secretly saw him. I made a new texting account on my iPod so I could talk to him. I even made my friends lie for me so my parents wouldn't find out. My parents knew though. They knew because I wasn't being me anymore. I was being the teenager that they had so many problems with. The teenager who made life miserable because she was so obsessed with one guy. Yet again, they helped me through it. I was able to stop talking to him and associating with him for a good 1-2 months. Until about 3 weeks ago.....
I relapsed. I'm going through a rough time right now with my dad and didn't know what to do. So I went back to secretly talking to and dating this guy and ruining myself. Then one night, I snapped. I broke down and took things out on my parents. Then I told my mom everything. I told her that I was dating him and talking to him again. I told her that I needed help. That the only reason I keep going back to this guy is because I don't know what else to do when things are tough for me. She talked to me and encouraged me and retold me for the umpteenth time that I need to stay away from him. I need to find a new focus. I need to just stay away from guys. I need to just live my life and focus on me. And that's exactly what I plan on doing.
With the help of my mom and stepdad (along with the help of some friends), I've focused on myself and my life. I'm ignoring guys and loving life. I still have a long way to go and a lot of trust to earn back. It won't be easy, but I can do it. It's better than the alternative that I've been doing.
I guess Einstein was right when he said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time. That's what I did. I regret it. I ruined my life and didn't do much to help my parents' life. So remember people out there each choice you make changes something and sometimes everything.
Until next time, live long and prosper.
Recently I've been making the same bad choice over and over. I've been talking to my ex and started dating him again. This guy has made me into a person I'm not proud of. I became so obsessed and dependent on him that I never had time for my friends. My parents helped me realize just how much he was affecting me and I was able to end the relationship. But lo and behold, a few weeks after I broke up with him, I started talking to him again. I fell back into the unrecognizable me. I snuck around and secretly saw him. I made a new texting account on my iPod so I could talk to him. I even made my friends lie for me so my parents wouldn't find out. My parents knew though. They knew because I wasn't being me anymore. I was being the teenager that they had so many problems with. The teenager who made life miserable because she was so obsessed with one guy. Yet again, they helped me through it. I was able to stop talking to him and associating with him for a good 1-2 months. Until about 3 weeks ago.....
I relapsed. I'm going through a rough time right now with my dad and didn't know what to do. So I went back to secretly talking to and dating this guy and ruining myself. Then one night, I snapped. I broke down and took things out on my parents. Then I told my mom everything. I told her that I was dating him and talking to him again. I told her that I needed help. That the only reason I keep going back to this guy is because I don't know what else to do when things are tough for me. She talked to me and encouraged me and retold me for the umpteenth time that I need to stay away from him. I need to find a new focus. I need to just stay away from guys. I need to just live my life and focus on me. And that's exactly what I plan on doing.
With the help of my mom and stepdad (along with the help of some friends), I've focused on myself and my life. I'm ignoring guys and loving life. I still have a long way to go and a lot of trust to earn back. It won't be easy, but I can do it. It's better than the alternative that I've been doing.
I guess Einstein was right when he said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time. That's what I did. I regret it. I ruined my life and didn't do much to help my parents' life. So remember people out there each choice you make changes something and sometimes everything.
Until next time, live long and prosper.
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